i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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