Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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