Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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