I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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