If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
