I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
