Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This house was built for laser tag.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You ate ashes out of my bong
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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