This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
