I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
