I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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