So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
