she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
zippers are such a cool invention
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
