just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
