just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
