My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
