fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
