No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
