I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
