if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
