party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
