Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm always down for nudity.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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