in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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