Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
