Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
