I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
