I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize