I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ok first of all what the fuck
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
