can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
