i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
