I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your cock deserves a montage
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize