K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
