Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
