i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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