he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
