just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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