im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
