THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
