so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
