I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
