He is such a slut. More and more my type.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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