you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
