then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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