I didn't shave. On purpose
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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