apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
