I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
