Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
