i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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