I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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