Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So apparently I’m into choking now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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