I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
