Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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