If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
