kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
