He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
