Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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