His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
