I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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