I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize