It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just pee around me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
