we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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