My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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