my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I need moral support for this bender
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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