Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize