omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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