The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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