You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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