And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
is it fun? or sober?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
