its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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