she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
