Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
