Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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