He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
