I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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