Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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