You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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