hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
