He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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