dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
