You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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