If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize