Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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