I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
