his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
