i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
