we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize