Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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