Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
