Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
