I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
