dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Someone came in the potted fern
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
