somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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