That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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