Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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