I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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