What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
