The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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